How do you move on from a relationship?
Following a breakup... the snuggle is real.
I say "snuggle" because it's OK to miss snuggles and still move on. LOL... but I'm trying to prove a point.
It’s OK to miss aspects of what you had with that person... and still move on. It’s OK to miss things, emotions, feelings, habits you once had... and still move on.
You can move on even while you still miss aspects of a relationship.
Ask yourself: do I miss the person or the things? Do I miss the person or the habit? Do I miss the person or the attraction? Do I miss the person or the companionship?
Depending on where you are in your healing process you might say one or the other or both… but eventually you'll realize what I have. You miss the things more than the person. ... and you're always going to miss those things in some sense.
But if you assume that being healed and “ready to move on” mean you should miss nothing - not the person, not the habits, not the things - I think you’re waiting too long.
The struggle is real, the snuggle is real… It’s always going to be.
It's incredibly powerful to learn to separate the two - the things and the person - and realize it's OK to still miss the things and move on.
Do you miss the person or do you miss things?
- Do you miss the companionship? Having someone to snuggle with? Always have someone around to talk with and to share your feelings with? It’s ok to miss that and still move on.
- Do you miss the sex? Yep, that’s a big one. Do you miss having someone who understood what you liked and needed? It’s ok to miss that and still move on.
- Do you miss the attraction? Do you miss the sense of confidence you had knowing that someone thought you were a big ol' bowl of oatmeal, that you were beautiful and that you were more than enough? Physically? Personality? Everything? It’s ok to miss that and still move on.
- Do you miss someone who not only knew you so closely physically, but also knew everything about you? Someone with whom you shared everything? With whom you had no secrets? It’s OK to miss those things and still move on.
At a certain point - as tough as it might be to imagine - that person will fade. But because you are human, the memories and fondness of those things will remain.
And when that's the case... it’s OK to move on. You don’t have to hold on anymore.
Healing isn’t some binary experience. 0 or 1.
You’re always going to miss something - the attraction, the habits, the snuggles, etc. You can move on in the midst of those feelings.
You miss having someone? You miss having a partner that is attracted to you, that helps you, that grows you, that you can share everything with? That's OK!
It’s OK to miss those things!
Who wouldn’t!? Who wouldn't miss being supported? Who wouldn’t miss having a companion?
Who wouldn’t miss great sex, great conversation and someone to grow with?
You’re still human and yes... you still want those things and yes... you miss them - BUT at a certain point, they're no longer tied exclusively to that person. You can find them again!
You can find better versions, longer lasting version, maybe even forever versions.
Realize that :)
Just because you still miss those things… it doesn’t mean you aren’t free to move on. It might not be the easiest thing you’ve done but when you can honestly say you miss the things more than the person or at minimum you realize those things are no longer tied exclusively to the person… you're moving on!
It's OK to move on in the midst of those things.