Here's a not so fun fact for ya: the dating pool is regrettably filled with people who date without knowing what they want.
So you're going to inevitably find yourself coming up against people who give you mixed and confusing signals.
What do you do with those mixed feelings? How do you know if he actually likes you? How do you know if she actually likes you? How do you know if you're just overthinking things?
I think it’s very simple.
You should have no mixed feelings about mixed feelings!
If you're unsure if someone is interested you... chances are they are not.
If someone’s actions confuse you about what they want from you, you already know the answer.
When someone likes you… it’s obvious. If you have to ask, then the answer is probably no.
If you have to wonder, beg for attention, always set up the dates… you already have your answer.
I don’t think this is overly simplifying life.
Think about your own dating experience. Think about someone you really liked or were crushing on at some point. How did you act around them?
You were eager to see more of them and you freakin' acted like it, right?! There was no question whether you did or not. There was no begging for attention. You texted, you called and you communicated.
You were not unsure. You were not confused. And so that other person probably wasn’t unsure or confused about your intention. You had no mixed feelings about your intent and as a result they had no mixed reaction.
If someone is making you feel confused about what they want… well there’s your answer.
Seriously. That’s it. That’s all you need to know.
You should have no mixed feelings about mixed feelings because you already have your answer!
- If he’s acting confused, if he’s keeping you at arms distance, if he’s giving mixed signals… it’s because that’s his intent. He is confused. She is confused.
- If he only makes plans with you when he has nothing going on, that is a mixed signal.
- If he keeps canceling on you at the last minute, that is a mixed signal.
- If he only gives short answers to your texts, that is a mixed signal.
- If he says he’s a bad texter… I'm sorry but that's bullsh*t… that is a mixed signal.
- If he never wants a label on your relationship.... that is a mixed signal. - If he never asks deep questions to get to know you better… that is a mixed signals.
- If he doesn't ever want to meet your friends… that is a mixed signal.
There’s nothing to overthink. When someone likes you, you're not going to wonder if they do.
If you’re confused, it’s probably because he is or she is. If that’s the case, it’s on you to decide what to do next.
It's one thing to be unsure. We're all unsure about someone at some point in our dating journey. BUT the questions is... what do his/her actions tell you? Are they trying to become sure? That's great. That's a different story.
But if they're not... then you have a decision to make.
If you have to wonder if someone wants to get to know you better, then the answer is already clear to you. They are confused. That doesn’t necessarily make them a bad person. It just means they’re not willing to be intentional.
You should never feel bad for being on the receiving end of mixed signals.
Usually I find this happens after a first or second date.
You met and then what? Was it enough? Are you both eager to continue moving forward? Who makes the next move? Right?
Well, here’s the thing about that. One or two dates is simply not enough time to get to know someone! It's not enough time for someone to know you, who you are and to recognize all the epic, amazing things you have to offer.
It simply is not. So if someone hits you with some mixed signals after date one or date two… I really hope you don’t take it that hard. I really hope you don’t take it personally. They didn't get to know you! They only saw a sliver of who you are.
So if you’re on the receiving end of mixed signals after a short amount of time, it’s OK my friend.
Don't take it personally. He doesn't know the real you. She doesn’t know the real you. They didn't even really get a chance. That’s their loss. Move on. Don't chase that. You can be fine with that decision.
Seriously. Just as you don’t need to think twice about mixed signals, you don’t need to think twice about your self worth in that scenario.
People are people. They’re going to date without intention. They’re going to be confused about what they want but they’re going to date anyway. That’s being human for ya.
See their mixed signals for what they are… their own confusion and their own uncertainty.
If someone is truly eager to get to know you… they’re not going to keep you at arm’s length, they’re not going to keep you guessing and they’re not going to drop the ball. No, they’re going to step up.
There won’t be excuses. They’re going to do what they say they’re going to do. They’re going to make it clear.
You don't have mixed feelings about mixed feelings.
That’s something you can be proud of. You can be proud of giving something a shot but deciding it’s not going to serve you any longer because mixed feelings don’t serve anyone.