· By Case Kenny
You have nothing to feel guilty about
We feel guilty for all kinds of things in life.
- We feel guilty for not being where we think we should be.
- We feel guilty when we see other people succeeding and killing it on IG.
- We feel guilty when we say 'no' to someone.
- We feel guilty when we fail or strike out.
- We feel guilty for choosing ourselves, for setting boundaries, for changing our priorities, etc.
I’m sure you can relate to this.
We feel guilty all the time in life and I’ve found that this happens when we allow other people to be a catalyst for that guilt - either with their words or their example.
But here's the truth: no one should make you feel guilty in life.
No one CAN make you feel guilty life without your permission.
Inevitably it comes back to you. No one can make you feel guilty without your permission - guilty for changing your mind, guilty for establishing a boundary, guilty for choosing your self growth, your priorities, etc.
Only you can allow yourself to feel guilty.
Fundamentally you should never feel guilty for where you are in your life. You should never feel that you are less or falling behind because of some arbitrary comparison to someone else.
The response to knowing you can do more in life should never be guilt.
It should be CORRECTION and PRIDE.
Choose correction over guilt.
You can correct any feeling of guilt. Guilt only only becomes a stage five clinger when you allow it to and when you decide it’s your final destination.
You can look at that list of things you’re told you should've already done by now and you can feel guilty because you're not there yet - OR you can simply correct. You can take that arbitrary list of things and you can scratch them out and create new ones.
That is correction. And you should feel proud of choosing to do that.
When it comes to guilt - guilt that starts with others... whether it’s their words or whether it’s your observation of them - choose the flip side of that emotion.
Choose to say: I’m tempted to feel real guilty right now because deep down I know I’m capable of more - but I’m not going to settle on that feeling. Instead I’m going to feel proud of myself because I’m going to correct. I choose to correct, not settle.
You are establishing a boundary when you do that.
You are refusing to feel guilty, you are refusing to shame yourself because you are establishing boundaries based on who you are and where you are on your journey. Your journey. Not theirs. Yours.
If you’re feeling guilty right now - guilty that you chose yourself over a relationship, that you chose your passion for something or your enthusiasm for a hobby over something else, that you chose to reprioritize your goals and that resulted in telling someone no, that you’re feeling frustrated because you’re not where you think you should be - feel proud of this awareness.
Seriously. It's something to be proud of.
You should be proud of yourself when you look guilt in the face and say… I choose correction. I choose boundaries. I choose my needs. I choose my ability to reassess relationships with others. I choose my ability to question what I want. I choose my ability to set boundaries between myself and expectations.
You should feel proud to look at something that makes you feel like you’re falling behind and place a boundary there.
What a great feeling to respond to guilt rather than sitting in that feeling of guilt!
The only person who can make you feel guilty is you. Someone might try to make you feel guilty by saying you’re being selfish or that you should be doing more.
Someone else's example might tempt you to feel guilty about yourself. BUT at the end of the day only you can make yourself feel guilty.
Only you can shame yourself or doubt yourself.
Give yourself permission to be proud of your ability to correct. The more you do that, the more I’m confident you’ll find yourself centered in your journey.