· By Case Kenny
When you date the "wrong" people
I want to offer a message of hope for anyone who feels miserable while dating.
I have so much empathy for people who are struggling in their dating lives - struggling in the sense that they are intentional, kind, open and honest… and yet they keep coming across people who are anything but that or they keep ending up in situations where their amazingness is not matched.
I have a lot of empathy for people who bring a lot much to the table and truly are a catch but by way of randomness, bad luck and life circumstance… they haven’t found someone who recognizes or deserves it.
Here's my message of hope...
When it comes to feeling sad, frustrated, or miserable even because of your dating life… the only thing those feelings are a reflection of is the fact that you've come across WRONG people.
That is it.
If dating makes you feel miserable or if the thought of trying again makes you want to scream... take a step back and realize what it really means. Those feelings simply mean you’ve dated the wrong people.
The wrong people make you feel that way.
It has nothing to do with who you are, what you bring to the table, or what you’re capable of. What you’ve been offered, what you’ve experienced, the people who have overlooked you, the countless dates without a connection… it’s important you don’t confuse those experiences and the feelings associated with them… with what you deserve.
The only thing we should associate those negative feelings with is the fact that they were the wrong person.
The wrong people give you mixed signals. The wrong people make you question yourself. The wrong people make you think dating is a miserable, never ending process. The wrong people make you feel insecure or self conscious. The wrong people make you think love is a lie.
The wrong people.
If you’re thinking that all men are dishonest, don't know what they want, are all pigs… stop there. The wrong ones are dishonest, don’t know what they want, and are pigs.
The wrong ones.
The wrong people are what make you think that dating sucks.
Of course this realization won’t make it suck any less for you necessarily. It doesn’t cancel out the instances where you’ve been hurt or betrayed or frustrated. It doesn’t cancel out the fact that you feel lonely or you feel like you’re falling behind.
But it does help reset your center of power.
Recognize that WRONGNESS is what causes these very human feelings. Draw a powerful line between what you’re offered and WHO you are. When you realize that the WRONG people are what cause you to doubt yourself, overthink intentions, and face mixed signals... you start to realize something fundamental to dating and life.
How someone treats you is not a reflection of WHO you are.
What someone offers you is not a reflection of who you are.
Can you push yourself to believe that the right person will not make you feel that way? This is really freeing space to operate from. The wrong person isn't capable of loving you, understanding you, being serious, or sticking it out through thick and thin.
But that’s ok, because you don’t want the wrong person? You deserve the right person… and until then… unfortunately life can be random and hit you with bad luck and bad batch after bad batch… but you have a choice amidst those universal human experiences.
You can say your past negative dating experiences are a reflection of a reality where everyone sucks, you’re too much, and no one is capable of loving you.
Or you take back your power, stand up straight, keep your faith alive, believe in yourself and say… "I feel this way - drained, sad, frustrated - because of the wrong people I've dated."
The WRONG people.
The wrong people are not capable of giving you what you deserve.
Lean on that label. Wrong. It was simply wrong. It doesn’t change you or what you deserve.
And most importantly it leaves room for right. It keeps hope alive. Because you only need one right. That’s one right from start to finish. And to find that, to be in that place, to be willing to try… you have to find a way to take back your power. Leave room for right.