· By Case Kenny
Why people come back after a relationship...
Have you ever heard the saying "if they love you, they’ll come back?"
Oof. I'm not so sure about that one.
Would you even want them to come back if they left in the first place?Someone overlooks you, breaks up with you, decides they're not ready for you... and then they come back...
What should you do?
- It could be following a 3 month long relationship where they said it's going too fast for them.
- It could be following a year long relationship where they ultimately decided they just weren't ready.
- It could be an ex from a relationship that ultimately ended for any number of reasons.
... and then boom they show back up in your life.
They're saying things like I don't want to let you go. I want to try again. I think we should give this another shot. I didn’t mean what I said. I messed up. I’m ready now.
Why? Why are they coming back after deciding you weren't right for them in the first place?
There's a couple of reasons why.
They see that you’re happy without them.
You’re doing great! You didn’t fall apart. You didn’t spiral into despair. You’re doing fantastic.
And that kinda hurts him. It hurts their ego. And so they want to prove to themselves that they can get you back.
Or... they're bored.
When they called it off with you they then went on to find someone else, who for some magical reason they were ready for (LOL), BUT now they're bored.
And boredom means they come crawling back to you.
They also might have simply realized they messed up.
They realized they let a great person go because of their own insecurities, their own lack of commitment, communication, etc.
They simply regret letting you go.
Regardless of what happened and why they're back... the story is the same.
THEY'RE ready now. THEY'RE sorry now. THEY can’t believe they didn’t see what they had in front of them and that they didn't see what a great person you are. And now THEY'RE ready. THEY want to try.
So what should you think?
In the same way they come back to you saying a whole lot of Is - I want to try, I’m ready, I messed up - it’s your turn to return the favor.
I deserve better.
I remember why you left in the first place.
I remember how you said you weren't ready. I remember how you said I wasn’t right for you.
That's the mindset.
Remember why they left in the first place... and don't forget it.
Bottom line is if at some point they weren’t interested, weren’t ready, wanted to be single, etc. they made the decision that you weren’t good enough for them. That's all you need to know.
That’s a decision they made based on their own judgment.
You’ve faced that. It stung.You've healed or are healing.
But that’s all you need to know and you should remember it when they come back.
I don’t know about you but I would never want to be with someone who had to grow to love me, who had to convince themselves to give me a shot, who had to be at the perfect time in their life to even try.
I would never want to be with someone who threw in the towel only to come back to me once their other options didn’t work out.
You deserve better than being pushed back into a cycle that gave you one outcome before and now you expect another.
There's nothing savage or selfish about thinking this way. It’s compassionate for yourself.
Yes, people change. Yes, people can genuinely realize they messed up and know they did.
BUT ask yourself this...
Is there a world where you might find someone who wouldn't overlook you like that?
Is there a world where that person wouldn’t choose someone else over you, who wouldn’t want to keep their options open, who wouldn't want to take it slow because they don’t know if they’re ready?
Yes! That world absolutely exists.
And because of that I think you should choose the most compassionate attitude towards yourself that you can.
Say: thanks... but no thanks. I’ve moved on and I’m choosing to continue to move on.
You don’t need to hang onto a possibility that was overlooked by them in the first place.
You can create your own possibilities and you deserve someone who sees it and who wouldn’t want to throw it away in the first place.
That's someone who sees what an amazing person you are from start to finish, who embraces any challenges start to finish, who is strong enough to throw away their doubts, options or emotional unavailability.
That’s someone who would never try to save you for later.
You own your compassion and you create your own possibilities... and in that equation there’s no waiting around for someone to decide to be part of it.